What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

She was in good health!

I never cut or harmed myself..

What is the worst thing your sibling has done?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

I’m running away I live in Indiana what states near by are safe I’m 12 no comments?

I was scared of men, in general

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I was 9 years of age.

How do the youth in Taiwan perceive their national identity in relation to China?

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

How can I easily get rid of my writers block?

I could never make a relationship work though!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

How can we understand the mind of a Trump supporter?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

I write beautiful poetry .

Why is North Korea a jail?

All the time i was locked up.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Put me off passion for life!!

How do you take your erotic photos and how do you choose the poses?

I waited trembling.

He resisted the act ,that day.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

What has been your best sexual experience?

So whats the point in blame.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Have you ever dealt with a Christian narcissist?

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Can a twin flame runner be happy in a karmic relationship?

As i do to all so called friends.?

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I will be 64.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

My life is so biszare .

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

We were not on the streets..

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I was very sick at this time too.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

This is soul school!.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Comes on , in middle age.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Im still living with it.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

What did i know ?

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I don,t even have a pension.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

I think the readers, may guess!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Especially a lifetime of it.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

It was going to be , some day.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

We all went to grammer schools

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

She loved him until the end.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

She married twice! .

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

She wouldn,t have been !

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Who then, do I blame.?

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

But it wasn’t much.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Was to survive, this bastard.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I was seconnd youngest,

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Would this be the day?

And i lived it daily.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Ive learnt so much.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

But ive been too sick for many years..

My family never makes their pension either.

Why did i forgive my father ?

But, we were locked up after school.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

She found it foreign!.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

He knew the spot.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

So, i spoilt her more .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

(And it was in our own minds.)

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

One cannot live in the past .

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I said to her

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

When she asked me how she looked .

I have no regrets .

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.